Our Stories
For some reason the rest of the stories are being cut off. I think I've put too many into this one space. I'm going to split it up and see how it works out.
3 Curious Kenders
Knardle Gimpysmirk, Eyebrow Spleensitter and Joe Thompson were young Kenders. And lo' and behold, they were happy Kenders. Growing up in the relatively closed confines of their village of Kenderton, they had never been more than 10 miles from town. But now, once again, Joe had gotten them in trouble.
(note: All Kender voices should be read or thought in terribly high, strained falsetto)
Knardle: his whistles and rocks> Nice job, Joe! You said we were going down to the river to look for stones! Where are we now!
Eyebrow: Yeah, Joe! I think I saw a , real shiny shell there yesterday but was too busy looking for my shoes to get it!
Joe: You guys are always picking on me! I thought we'd take a shortcut to the river but it looks like we're lost now! We've only been walking for 3 days!
The group walks to the top of a hill and looks down. Below is a thriving human village! Wagons rolling into town, folks laughing, farmers in their fields with beasts of burden pulling plows. The Kenders are overwhelmed with the sight! Their senses on overload, the Kenders start chittering…
Knardle: Heyguyshowsitgoing!! Ohmygoshlookatallthestuffwegottagoexplore…...
Eyebrow: Heyguyshowsitgoing!! Wowawholecityofhumansandtheirstuffwegottago….
Joe: Heyguyshowsitgoingheyguyshowsitgoingheyguyshowsitgoing…..
Knardle, Eyebrow and Joe are rudely awakened by a gruff voice and a swift kick. They sit up and squint, trying hard to see the face of the person standing over them silhouetted by the sun. Knardle shades his eyes with his hands and sees that it is a man, around 60 years old and modestly dressed. He looks irritated.
Ware Peddler: What are you stupid kids doing sleeping in the middle of the road? Blocking an honest man's path, that's what! I have to get these wares into town for sale, and the festival is only 5 days! If I don't make enough to sustain me through the next year I'll starve! Now move!
Knardle and Eyebrow scurry to their feet and scramble out of the way of the Peddler and his pushcart. Joe stands up and putting his hands on his hips defiantly stares up at the Peddler.
Joe: Hey guys how's it going! We're not kids, we're Kenders, and brave adventurers!! I'd apologize if I were you, or else someone may teach you some manners!!
The Peddler stares at Joe for a moment, and then with a swiftness that belies his age kicks Joe squarely in the crotch. The force of the kick is so hard that Joe is sent sailing through the air. He lands on the left side of the road, doubled over in agony.
Knardle: Hey guys how's it going! You can't do that!
Joe: Hey-guys---how's it..........................
The Peddler shakes his head at the Kenders and going back over to his pushcart grabs a hold of it and begins pulling it towards town. Eyebrow, in a fit of rage, yanks his Hoopback from his sling. Then he freezes, the Hoopback falling from his hands. Knardle stands at his side, mouth agape. Even Joe gingerly gets to his feet and gawks after the Peddler. The three stare as the peddler pulls a brightly colored pushcart laden with dangling wind chimes and novelty blown glass unicorns. The wind chimes jingle and sway seductively as the cart bounces down the road.
Knardle: Di..did you heyguyshowsitgoing! see what he had!!!
Joe: I know what we should da-do do da-do do da do!
Eyebrow: He has......stuff!!! We gotta see the stuff!!
Joe: How are we gonna do it? He's a meanie!
Together again, the Kenders seem to be deeply thinking about how to handle the situation. The Peddler is now almost 100 feet away. At his current speed he'll enter town in about 20 minutes. As the Kenders are thinking, they're exploring backpacks. At one particular moment, Joe has all 3 hoopaks strapped on his back. This lasts for about 15 seconds. After a minute of thinking and several more handfuls of coffee beans, Joe has an idea.
Joe: OK guys! Here's what we're gonna do!
Peddler: Oh, I got trinkets and shiny things, I got wind chimes and unicorns, come and buy my wares! Oh golden buttons and painted stones, whistles shrill and sno-globes bright!
Suddenly, he notices a Kender walking along side him. He recognizes the one he punted a few minutes ago.
Peddler: Hey there you little guttersnipe. Where are those lazy buddies of yours?
Joe: Heymister! I left my friends back because they didn't want to go to town! I wantotgototown! Iwannaseeeverythingthere! Hey,canIworkwithyouandhelpyousellstuffI'mreallygoodatsellingstuffespeciallyshinystufflikeyouhaveheywowlookatallofourstuffI'llbetwecansellitforalot!
Peddler: Well, Mr...what did you say your name was?
Joe: Me? OhmynameisJoeandI'maKenderfromKendertonandmydadmakesbuttonstosellandeverythingthereiswonderfulbutI'mreallycurious...
Peddler: Why that's just really interesting {spell spell charm person spell spell}...
Joe:
Peddler: OK, Mr. Joe. Tell me, are your friends setting up a trap for me?
Joe: Yes they are. Theyhaveanooseandatreeandeverything! You'regoingtobelaunchedallthewaytotheriverIt'llbegreat...
Peddler: Joe, speak slowly and pay attention to me.
Joe: Yes sir.
Peddler: Now listen, Joe. I want you to do something for me...
Joe: I'm listening sir, hey how's it going!
The Peddler looks again towards the rustling bushes. The giggling of Kenders in anticipation is plainly heard from behind the bush. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
Peddler: Say Joe, you're a small fellow, and probably pretty good at getting in and out of places without being seen, aren't you?
Joe: Whyessirwerereallygoodthievesatleastthatswhattheycallusbecausetheysaywecantjustgoandtaketheirstuffwithoutaskingandpayingwhateverthatmeans....
Peddler: Joe, I never want to hear you talk at that pace again. Now....was that a yes or no?
Joe: Yes........Master.
Peddler: Good. Good. Now Joe, have you ever stolen anything?
Joe: That's what those guys how's it going say, but I don't usually keep it. I just want to look at it and hold it for a while.
Peddler: I know what you mean Joe. I myself have something that I really want to hold, but mean people just like that are keeping me from it.
Joe: Really? What is it?
Peddler: Do you know the Temple of Martel Joe? Right now in town there is a 5 day festival celebrating the harvest granted by the goddess Martel. That's where I am on my way now in fact.
Joe: To sell pretty stuff??
Peddler: Yes..........pretty stuff. You know what Joe? How would you like to have all of this pretty stuff for your very own?
Joe: Igibiiiiii, oonfaofgrwooortal
Peddler: Get a hold of yourself!! Now Joe, if you want this I need you to help me to get something out of Martel's Temple. Can you do me that favor?
Joe: Sure, what is it? And what does it look like? And what does it do? And can I hold it for a little while? And......
Peddler: All in good time Joe, all in good time.
The bushes rustle again, and a small Kender head peers over the top of the bushes to see why the trap has not sprung. The Peddler mutters some words and gestures with an open hand towards the bushes. Two small screams are heard as the trap springs on them and the Kenders are flung into the tree tops.
Joe: My friends!!!!
Peddler: I'm your friend Joe, and the only friend you'll ever need. Now come on with me, we have an item to retrieve.
A cold smile comes over the face of the white bearded peddler as he and Joe begin to walk towards the town.
Knardle: Owwwww!!! That heyhowsitgoing really hurt! Eyebrow, you OK?
Eyebrow: Yes. That really heyhowsitgoing hurt bad! How are we going to get down? We're 30 feet up in this tree!
Knardle: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Ohhhhh. That, that wasn't fun at all! I think I broke both of my hoopaks!
Eyebrow: Whattheheckhappened? Wewereasstealthyascouldbeandwereaboutocatchthatoldmanwhenwecaughtus!
Knardle: I know one thing. We need to go help out Joe...hey! Look!! A butterfly!
Eyebrow follows, all thoughts of Joe purged from his mind as well. They eventually come upon a trail that circles around back to the town...
Joe: So, Mr. Peddler sir? What do you need me to do?
Peddler: Well Joe, for starters, please put back both those unicorns and those 3 whistles.
Joe: Yes sir.
As the Peddler is about to answer, 3 children come running up, laughing and giggling as they dig out copper pieces. The Peddler takes a deep breath and sells the items they pick out. He pushes the cart a bit faster. Soon they're in the town and are about a block down the road from the temple of Martel. With the occasional chiding and spells, Joe actually turns out to be a pretty good salesman. This allows the Peddler to get a good look at the temple.
Peddler: OK Joe, do you want to know what you need to do to earn this whole cart?
Joe: iiiiiiadkjbag ldaibbabab...
Peddler: That's enough, Joe. The festival ends for the day about an hour after it's dark. There is no moon tonight. I simply need you to sneak into the temple and find this item , then bring it back to me. Now here’s how we're going to do it...
Joe: Hey best friend, how much does that thing weigh? I mean, how's it going? It looks pretty heavy for a guy my size.
Peddler: Have no fear, Joe. Yes, it will be a little cumbersome for a guy your size, but remember, a normal sized human can wield one of these with one hand if he is strong enough.
Joe: Hey guys how's it going, that's great! So are you going to come inside with me to help me carry it?
Peddler: No, I'm not really welcome in this place. But enough about that. Here's the plan. The Warrior Priests of Martel are formidable foes under normal circumstances, but the 5 day festival is the only time every year that they are allowed to drink. The drinking of the Ale is considered an act of honoring Martel for the successful harvest of the hops and barley> As a result the generally vigilant Priests of Martel are in a deep sleep from a day of hard drinking. That combined with the cover of darkness provided by the New Moon should make this the easiest thing you've ever done.
Joe: Say, why do you want this sword anyway? Swords hurt people! What are you going to do with it??? Hey guys how's it going?
The Peddler looks down at Joe and smiles at him reassuringly.
Peddler: Well Joe, that's a bit of a long story, but years ago this sword belonged to my Father, who was Lord of a Fief not too far from here. He ran afoul of some Knights in the neighboring territories, and they killed him. They brought his sword here for the Priests to guard, and I have only just now located it. I am getting to be an old man, Joe, and I would like very much to have the sword so that I can pass it down to my children and grandchildren.... I mean, I want to hold it because it's so shiny.
Joe: Shiny, huh? How's it going, I know all about that! Can I hold it when I bring it out here? I....
Peddler: I'll let you hold it all you want after you bring it out here and give it to me. Now let's bring the cart closer to the Temple. We're trying to edge up there slowly to avoid suspicion. Right, Joe?
Joe: Hey guys, that cloud looks just like a frolandic needleskipper!!!!
Peddler: Would you pay attention for just 5 minutes!! I swear that..........Get back!!!
The Peddler suddenly grabs Joe and presses them both against the side of a building so that they won't be visible to those walking by. Two distinct chatters are heard over the Festival din.
Eyebrow: Hey guys how's it going? Have you seen a Kender around?
Knardle: He was walking around with a mean man who kicks really hard!
Townsperson: Get away from me you thieving little freaks. I hope your friend is dead in a ditch, filled with arrows like all Kenders should be. Hey, don't touch that!!!
Joe: Hey! That's Eyebrow and Knardle!! Maybe they can help me carry this sword out of the Temple.
Peddler: No, Joe, this is going to be just between us. But I'll tell you what; Once we get the sword out here I'll let you handle it all you want, and you can find your friends then, and they can even handle it! But for now let's leave it a surprise, like a shiny present. You don't want to tell them that you have a present unless it is in your hands, right?
Joe:
Peddler: Good. Now it's getting dark. Let's get over to the Temple and get into position.
The Kender and Peddler walk over to the Temple. The Peddler has stashed his jingling push cart in a nearby alley, and they now stand on the right side of the building.
Peddler: Okay Joe, now remember, this sword belongs to my family anyway, so it isn't stealing, it's repossessing it. Also, try not to be seen. The Priests of Martel will kill you for invading the sacred portion of the Temple. And if you come in contact with any of them... then it's you or them. Try to get them from behind quickly so that they don't raise an alarm. Now, you remember where I said it was?
Joe: Sure! You said that I go into the main room past all the cool statues and on the far wall is a metal door, with a lock I need to pick. Once I pick that the door opens, there's an altar and brazier, if I lift the top of the altar off the sword is in there. And then it's hey guys how's it going!!!! Then I can show it to Eyebrow and Knardle?
Peddler: Shhhh! Yes, that's very good Joe. That's exactly the plan. Now, I cannot stress to you enough the need to be quiet and unseen. I'd hate for those Priests to kill you. They're bad men.
Joe: I don't know if they're bad......I always heard that they were Lawful and Good.
Peddler: Don't believe everything you hear, Joe. Now let's get started. It looks as if the coast is clear.
The Peddler looks around for any signs of street life. When satisfied that the coast is clear he grabs Joe's arm and the two hurry towards the front of the Temple.
Peddler: Okay Joe, it's up to you now. I'll be over here waiting for you.
The Peddler walks several steps away and fades into the shadows. Joe watches him go and then turns around, and drawing a deep breath he cautiously strides towards the Temple....
Enraged Storeowner: Get.... Get back here you little....!!!!! Stop him, stop that...that Kender!!! He just took a handful of silver buttons and 3 hand mirrors from my store!!! Someone call the town guard!!!! Run you little...If I catch you!!!!
Knardle and Eyebrow run through street stands and between legs, taking advantage of the lateness of the street lanterns being lit, the cover of the moonless night and the general laid-backness of the festive population. They duck into an alley, hiding in the shadows quite effectively.
Knardle: Boy!!! Hey guys how's it going? These human folks sure are stingy with stuff!!! What did you get?
As Knardle is talking, half a dozen rough sounding voices hurry past, stopping briefly to glance down the alley before moving along, the sound of armor and weapons clanking very apparent.
Eyebrow: You're not kidding!!! Heyguyshowsitgoing! I got a few neat things, just found them. I don't think they belong to anyone. I got these funny looking-glasses and look at these buttons! Just like Joe's dad makes! I also got , now where did it go? I had just the most beautiful gem! It shines and glows in just a little light! It was as big as my thumb! See! Isn't it just amazing!!!!
Absentmindedly Knardle hands Eyebrow his left shoe back and reaches into his pack to check out a silver button.
Eyebrow: Well, we should probably head out of town, this place is mean...... howsitgoinghowsitgoinghowsitgoing...iiiiiifkekdfkddhseeeer!!!!
Eyebrow points to an area of the alley, about 20 feet from them. The rough boards and old piece of cloth failing to completely cover the brightly painted clown face on the side. Knardle is so excited he breaks wind loud and long, like a falsetto foghorn blowing in a cave. Eyebrow tries to hum along but doesn't have quite the right pitch.
As Joe starts walking away, he feels a familiar tingle, and realizes just how much he likes the Peddler and really wants to help him get back his family sword so he can hand it down to his son. He still wonders about the temple guards, he had heard they were good. Oh well, sometimes stories don't make much sense. Like when his uncle Erfberry Needlefromp tells stores about his exploits during the war. Joe never really believed that ol' uncle Erf really found that dragon hoard and brought home a bag of shiny things.
Joe hears a lot of yelling up the main street of the town and realizes someone must be in a lot of trouble. He decides to move from shadow to shadow. He always was good at that. He approaches the temple from the right front and looks up the stairs. Just as the Peddler (what was his name, Joe suddenly wondered) had said, the guards appeared to be drinking and having a good time. However, the stairs were brightly lit, he certainly wasn't going to try and walk into the front door!
Moving along the right side wall, he notices several small windows, maybe 15 feet up the side. Looking at the wall itself Joe figures he might be able to climb, though he might fall a few times before he gets up there. Joe puts his hands up to his face to spit on them before climbing and realizes he doesn't have hands!! Then he looks around and doesn't have arms or legs or a body either!! He's about to let out a terrible scream when he realizes his friend must have made him invisible! Oh joy! The fun he could have now! But he wasn't going to let his best friend ever down! He heads back to the stairs and tries out his new found ability. He steps on the first stair and waits. No one notices him. He walks up a couple of more, this time he's only about 15 feet from the guards! No one notices! He picks up a small pebble, after realizing it's not too remarkable he throws it at the men, hitting one of them in the cheek! The man jumps (staggers) to his feet and looks around, swearing up a storm about how he's going to kill everyone involved and everyone they know and all their relatives. He still doesn't see Joe!
Joe finishes the walk up the stairs, pausing only briefly to handle a shiny key one of the guards must have left on the ground and enters the open front door of the temple...
Joe walks slowly and silently, making sure that he doesn't shuffle his feet or step too hard on the flagstone floor. He enters the Temple and then just stands there gaping. He's standing in a large open room, built of white marble. Columns line all of the walls, and between the columns is artwork glorifying Martel. The right wall has large paintings depicting the goddess Martel and her yearly journey for the regeneration of the harvest.
The left wall has statues of the goddess Martel and her other gods, Kratos, Mithos and Yuan. And on the far wall there is no artwork at all, just a large black steel door starkly contrasting the white walls. There are guards on either side of the door.
Joe thinks hard about what to do. He still has the shiny key from the ground outside, but what to do about the guards? He studies the situation for a few minutes, and then has his dilemma solved for him. Two slightly wobbly guards stagger in from outside and relieve the two guards that were on duty. The inebriated guards take their places on either side of the door. Within minutes snores can be heard from one of them.
Joe decides to risk trying the oldest trick in the book. He reaches into his pocket and fishes out a shiny rock he had found some days ago. He walks up to within 5 feet of the door, and then throws the shiny rock as hard as he can to the right, bouncing it off the wall. The echo of the stone hitting the marble reverberates through the whole room like a boom. Joe cringes and wonders if he's made a mistake. But the guard on the left scratches himself in his sleep, and the guard on the right is busy rummaging through the sleeping guards pockets.
Joe sneaks up past the rummaging guard and tries to turn the key in the lock of the black steel door. It gives way with a loud click. The guard whirls around and looks at the door, but seeing nothing he shrugs and goes back to his rummaging, pausing on occasion to swig something from a flask in his belt. Joe tries to turn the handle quietly, but as he pulls the door slowly open the room is filled with a loud creaking from the hinges. The guard whirls around, this time drawing his sword. He cautiously steps over to the door and peers on the other side of it. Joe is faced with a dilemma. He has no desire to harm the guard, but his best friends happiness hangs in the balance. There's nothing he can do. He quickly pulls out the dagger the Peddler had given him, and sneaks up behind the guard. The guard is still puzzled, first looking around the room and then behind the door, trying to find out who opened it. As he peers behind the door a second time Joe leaps onto his back and buries the dagger into the back of the guard's neck between the bottom of his helmet and the neckline of his armor. The dagger slides between the guard's vertebrae in his neck, killing him instantly. He dies wordlessly and soundlessly, collapsing to the floor in a heap.
Joe leaps off of his back as he falls. He tries to pull the dead guard behind the large black door but with no success. He realizes that he needs to get the sword quickly and get out, so he runs into the room behind the black door and closes it behind him. He looks around this new room. It is much smaller and still white marble but with no ornaments, only an altar in the middle of the room. The altar was around 4 feet long and 3 feet wide. It has a white marble base and an onyx top with some strange words engraved in it. Joe runs over to the altar, and bracing underneath the black onyx top he pushes up with all of his might. The black stone top falls off of the base onto the floor, breaking into hundreds of pieces with a deafening sound.
Around the same time Eyebrow and Knardle are in Kender heaven. Their giggles and squeals over having found the Peddler's cart can be heard 4 blocks away.
Eyebrow: Knardle, this is it!!!! Hey guys how's it going! Listen to the pitch on this whistle!
Knardle: It's the most beautiful how's it going sound I've ever heard!!
The 2 Kenders are so wrapped up in their discovery that they don't notice the fact that they are in a blind alley, and the way out is being blocked by 8 Town Guardsmen with weapons drawn. They smile coldly at the unsuspecting Kenders as they slowly walk towards them........
The leader of the city guard is outraged. The two Kenders responsible for numerous thefts and damage stand not 50 feet from him and simply REFUSE to listen to his command!
Sir Chauncey: Men, move forward and take these two into custody, in the name of the King!
The men, led by the brave Sir Chauncey of the Silver Chin, move forward until they stand 10 feet from the Kenders.
Eyebrow: I can't believe it!! This is all our..... Hey guys, how's it going? We were just putting this stuff back...er...I mean it's ours and we were just leaving!
Knardle: Hey guys, how's it going? Yeah, we were just taking OUR cart out of here so we can sell stuff!
Sir Chauncey: You "men" are under arrest, in the name of the King. Men, take them!
Two of the guards move forward, only to be attacked by a shrieking Kender with a shiny silver dagger!
Knardle: Take that, meanie! This is my stuff!
Knardle hits the guardsman with his dagger, doing serious damage! Sir Chauncey steps in and neatly cleaves the Kender in two. He frowns at the blood on his sword and rips a piece of the tunic from the Kender to clean off his shield and sword. Meanwhile Eyebrow is climbing up the wall! Chauncey demands his immediate surrender only to be the direct victim of a Kender taunt! Under the seeming influence of a spell, the entire group draws their bows and fires! Eyebrow falls in a heap, looking somehow like an irritating pincushion.
Sir Chauncey: Justice has been done here today, gentlemen. Sometimes justice wears a grim face. Sometimes justice isn't all banners and cheering and dragons with their heads lopped off and bosomy maidens meeting us as we enter town. Sometimes justice is dead thieves in an alley, which is a metaphor for their life after all. Yes, they've reaped what they've sown. This should be a message for all! Let us march back to our post with our heads high and our chests out as those who return from combat well made and evil thwarted so that...
Ignoring the loud crash, Joe reaches up and grabs the sword! It immediately yells at him to put it down! Startled, Joe drops the sword on the floor!
Sword: Now leave me here or I shall taunt you a second time!
Joe: Hey guys how's it going? You're so neat! I'm taking you home, my best friend the Peddler doesn't need you! Just wait until I show this to Knardle and Eyebrow!
As Joe reaches down he sees his hands, arms, body! The effect must have worn off! He looks up past the shattered black stone and sees a temple guards with spears, slowly closing in on him...
These three guards have not been drinking, and they advance slowly and purposefully with spears at the ready. Joe jumps behind the altar, grabbing the sword. The sword begins to loudly protest.
Sword: Put me down you contemptible inferior!!
Joe: No! I have to show you to Knardle and Eyebrow! Now how do I get out of here?
The guards freeze when Joe grabs the sword.
Guard 1: You fool!!! You don't know what you're holding there!! Put it back at once, and I promise you that we won't hurt you. Whatever you do, DON'T draw the sword from its scabbard!
Joe instantly looks curious
Joe: Hey guys how's it going! What'll happen if I draw this?
Sword: < in a deep voice> Yes!!! Yes!!!! Draw me, you fool!! Draw me and unleash....I mean free my power!!!!!!
Joe: Really?? How powerful are you? Can you make bright lights and noises??
Sword: Like you've never seen!
Guard 2: Don't be a fool! That's the unholy blade of Cthon!!!!! The power unleashed would be.......
Joe: I really would like to see a magic show! I haven't seen one of those since last time Bargle the magician came to Kenderton and brought his assistants Nawdle and Zous. You should have seen himmakerabbitsdisappearandthenzousendeduphavingitinhismouthanditwasareallygoodtrickuntilhehadraisinsinhismouthtooandhe-threwuphereallymustnotlikeraisinsbutilikeraisinsand...
Joe continues to chatter as he draws the blade from its ornate sheath. Instantly Lightning flashes from the black blade and incinerates the guards. Their screams echo through the halls of the Temple, raising the alarm. Soon dozens of footsteps and shouting men can be heard to approach.
Joe: What do we do now, Mr. Sword?
Sword: We?!?!
The guards burst into the room, see Joe, the altar and the charred corpses. Three guards hurl their spears simultaneously, and Joe is pinned through the chest to the wall. He hangs there dying.
Joe: He-he-ey g-g-g-g-guys.................how's......it......go..........
In the streets however a different scene was transpiring. It seemed as though through some unknown means Brok the Malevolent, Evil Lord of the order of the Iron Fist of Cthon, had been reunited with his invincible blade, Slayer of Millions. Brok was the former Lord of the region, and possessor of an evil artifact, the sword Slayer of Millions. Its evil power allowed Brok to at will generate lightning or Hellfire to consume his foes. It was a sentient being who also had the ability to teleport. An army of tens of thousands amassed at Brok's front gate one day to try to slay the Death knight. Thousands died in that battle against him until a young Paladin named Sir Chauncey used an invisibility potion and slapped the blade from Brok's hand. Slayer of Millions teleported Brok out of harms way but was itself captured. It was placed into a sheath bearing a magic inscription to subdue its power. It was then placed inside an altar, subdued there by further inscriptions. There it was stored in the Temple of a good deity, kept locked up and guarded, where it remained until that fateful day.
Brok the Malevolent, disguised as a peddler, had been reunited with Slayer of Millions. He ravaged the town, burning all who crossed his path. Sir Chauncey was beheaded, with his head placed on a pike in front of the village. The town razed, its citizens killed and its rubble aflame Brok the Malevolent set out to repay other towns from his former fiefdom who had been a part of the attack on him. Thousands died because the Kender race was incapable of exercising common sense or restraint.
Fartook the Self Aggrandizing Mage
The Slimy Toad is a shop that sells spell components and the occasional magic item, situated in the magic district of a large metropolis. Wizards, Sorcerers and other magic using folk travel from distant lands to seek the items that the Slimy Toad can procure. With so many people from so many backgrounds converging in the same place the shop has become somewhat of a place for the magic folk to meet, swap stories and exchange information.
This bright afternoon two men walk into the shop. One is an Elf carrying a long sword, and the other is a human male in his mid 30’s. Both are dressed in adventuring gear, and it is plain that they have traveled extensively. The shop owner, Hilly Gillespie, is a retired Mage Adventurer, a friendly and talkative sort. He climbs down from his stool behind the counter when the adventurers walk in.
Hilly: Good day to you gentlemen, I can see that you’ve traveled far. What can I provide for you? Or perhaps you have something you wish for me to buy?
Elviso: Good day to you, sir. We heard tell of your excellent shop in a village on the other side of the mountain range, and wished to look at your wares.
Guy Mandude: Specifically I’m looking for some vampire dust, and I would take some sprig of bloodwort if you had any.
Hilly:
Guy Mandude:
Hilly:
Elviso:
Voice behind them: After having been in danger such as that one learns to appreciate waking up every morning.
Elviso and Guy Mandude spin around to see who is addressing them. Hilly rolls his eyes and continues to measure out spell components. A man sits at a table in the corner behind them. He is dressed all in gray, with a long white beard flowing down to his belly. A wide brimmed and pointed hat sits on his head, and he smokes a pipe in silent bemusement as the adventurers curiously approach him.
Guy Mandude: You spoke, friend?
Fartook:
Guy Mandude and Elviso wait for several seconds for Fartook to continue speaking, but he continues to stare off in sadness, as if reliving some terrible tragedy. After a minute Elviso clears his throat.
Elviso: So……….you’ve encountered Gnolls then?
Fartook:
Elviso:
Fartook:
Elviso waits expectantly as the old man continues to stare, becoming impatient at last.
Elviso: So, um, Guy, is that powder ready yet?
Hilly: I’ve got it all measured right here, good Bladesinger. You gentlemen need to just settle up and you can be on your way…..
Fartook:
Elviso:
Fartook:
Elviso and Guy Mandude wait politely and expectantly for the story to continue, but the Mage continues to sit there silently, smoking his pipe and stroking his beard with a look of satisfaction on his face.
Guy Mandude: So, that was it then?
Fartook:
Hilly: I’ve got your components bagged right here, no need to cause you to tarry any longer….
Fartook:
Elviso: And so you killed a bunch of Kobolds as they slept?
Fartook: Well, I didn’t kill them personally, but I did provide the light while the others in my party undertook that harrowing and dangerous task. Not a business for the squeamish.
Guy Mandude:
Fartook: How about you, fellow Mage? What is the worst thing you’ve had to face in your relatively few and inexperienced years of adventuring?
Guy Mandude:
Guy is surprised to see Fartook beam with pride at this sarcasm, apparently mistaking the jibe for a compliment. He shakes his head in disgust and goes to the counter to pay for his purchase. Hilly mouths the words “I’m sorry” at him, and Guy nods at him.
Elviso:
Fartook: Would that it were!! In the faint light we had actually failed to see the Kobold Shaman in the corner shadows, and didn’t know he was there until we heard him conjuring. The air began to shimmer, and we could hear the hissing of an unspeakable creature. Finally it materialized, and it was horrible!
Elviso: What was it?
Fartook: It was a…a…..Skeleton!
Elviso:
Fartook: I have another tale, even more gruesome than the first. It’s about some Neutral Gripleys……..
Magog:
Elviso:
Magog: Really??
Fartook:
Magog:
ClERic
The wail of the ambulance siren grows louder and louder as the ER staff waits restlessly on the sidewalk, the crisp night air coming out in feathery plumes of breath vapor as they shiver in silence.
Nurse Berman: I hear this one is pretty bad.
Nurse Foley: That’s what Jim said. The ambulance crew is doing what they can to help him, but….from the way they describe his injuries we may be in for an uphill battle. And a long night.
Nurse Guedel: Who’s on call tonight?
Nurse Berman: Roland is.
Nurse Foley: If anyone can help this poor guy, it’s Roland.
Nurse Berman: Were there any others involved in this?
Nurse Guedel: I hear there were others, but I think that they…..
The shriek of the ambulance siren grows louder and drowns out all conversation. The ambulance roars around the corner, visible now to the waiting staffers. It screeches to a halt in front of the ER door, and within seconds the back doors have been flung open. Three Paramedics pile out, hurriedly preparing the stretcher to be removed from the back of the ambulance. Their faces are grim and set, and it is clear that they have been working hard. The stretcher is pulled from the ambulance by the three men, and a fourth man straddles someone on the stretcher doing chest compressions and working an ambu bag over the unconscious person’s mouth.
Paramedic Steve: Come on! Come on! We’re losing him! Let’s go people! Get this guy in there stat!
Nurse Berman:
Paramedic Steve: Thirtysomething male, multiple abrasions, lacerations, puncture wounds and some 2nd and 3rd degree burns.
Nurse Guedel:
Paramedic Bruce: This was no car wreck, this guy was one of a group that was ambushed by a gang of Chaotic Evil Death Knights and Mages.
Nurse Foley: Are there more coming?
Paramedic Steve: I’m not sure. A lot of the guys had their injuries cured on the spot by the group cleric, but their injuries were so bad that to heal 5 guys up took all of his spell points for the day. So they called 911.
Nurse Berman:
Paramedic Bruce: At the scene they told us his name was Lord Magog. We had to use the jaws of life to pry him out of his armor.
Nurse Guedel:
Paramedic Steve:
Nurse Berman:
The group reaches Triage with the stretcher and the room is suddenly abuzz with medical activity. Nurses, Interns and Paramedics race everywhere, cutting the remaining armor off of the Paladin, injecting solutions and getting IV’s going.
Nurse Guedel: I can’t cut this armor off of his legs!!
Paramedic Bruce: It’s enchanted.
Nurse Guedel: Can someone grab me the +2 tin snips?
Nurse Foley: Did someone call Dr. Roland? Where is he?
Suddenly the swinging doors to the Triage room burst open and an armored man wearing a white smock rushes into the room. He has a medallion symbol of a fist grasping a lightning bolt in his hand. He walks right over to Lord Magog and begins to examine him with concern.
Dr. Roland: This man is a mess! What’s his background?
Paramedic Steve: White Male Caucasian Lawful Good Paladin, in his 30’s. No known allergies to any medication or magic items.
Dr. Roland nods silently as he places a stethoscope to the Paladin’s chest. His expression turns to one of grim concern, and he checks the pulse on the neck and wrists.
Dr. Roland: I’m going to Cast Cure Serious Wounds. Clear!
The nurses and paramedics all stand back as Dr. Roland places his holy symbol over the Paladin’s face, passing it back and forth over his face and murmuring an incantation. Once done he stops and checks the pulse again.
Dr. Roland: He seems to be gaining some hit points back. What are his vitals?
Nurse Berman:
Dr. Roland: Hmmmmmm. That will stabilize him. What this man needs are some Potions of Cure Serious Wounds and some rest.
The monitor goes into a loud monotone beep, and the line goes flat.
Nurse Foley:
Doctor Roland: What!?!?
Nurse Foley: What is it, Doctor?
Dr. Roland: Look at this welt on top of his head. Someone Called Lightning down on him. This is a sign of a direct hit from above. Had this been Chain Lightning he would have been burned in the trunk area
Nurse Berman: Doctor, what about these burns here? It looks like he got peppered by flaming baseballs.
Dr. Roland:
Nurse Guedel: He’s up to 40 Hit Points, Doctor. No, wait, 36…..33…he’s dropping.
Dr. Roland: I was afraid of this.
The Triage staff collectively gasps.
Dr. Roland:
Nurse Foley: 26 Hit Points and falling, Doctor.
Dr. Roland: Curses! This man is dying on the table…but why?
Nurse Berman: Doctor, perhaps Restore?
Dr. Roland: Excellent thinking, Nurse!
Nurse Guedel: He’s stabilizing at right around 20 Hit Points. He’s not dropping anymore!
Dr. Roland:
Lord Magog:
Dr. Roland: There now, Sir Knight. Just lay back and relax. You’re in a hospital. We’ve cut away your armor to better treat you.
Lord Magog:
Dr. Roland: Now, Lord Magog, you’re safe here. The Evil Mages have been dispatched by your party I was told, and…..
Lord Magog:
Dr. Roland:
Nurse Foley:
The Nurse steps aside, and Elviso and Ahz come into the room. Both are carrying slurpees and drinking non-chalantly.
Elviso: Hey, man. How’s it going?
Lord Magog: Fine, no thanks to you guys. Why didn’t you cure me on the field?
Elviso: Leonious didn’t have enough spell points left.
Lord Magog: Where are the others, anyway?
Ahz: Leonious, Guy Mandude and Shilo all went back to the compound. Guy Mandude had exhausted his magic for the day, and we’re going to the mall tomorrow. He’ll need his powers there, so he wanted to get some rest.
Lord Magog: Yeah, he exhausted his spells using my head as a lightning rod!
Elviso: Well, he didn’t mean to. Hey, are you getting out soon? Do you need us to wait around or can you catch a ride home?
Lord Magog:
Ahz: Very cool. Take it easy.
Lord Magog: That’s just fantastic.
Dr. Roland: Lord Magog, this is Sue from Admitting. She has some information she needs to obtain from you. After that you’re free to go.
Lord Magog: Thanks again, Doctor.
Dr. Roland: Anything for a Lawful Good brother.
Sue: Lord Magog, I just have to get some information from you. What is your full name?
Lord Magog: Lord Randall Percival Magog II
Sue: Okay, Randy. Do you have insurance?
Lord Magog:
Sue: I’m sorry, I don’t think Slash and Smash covers friendly fire incidents, which is what I understand this was.
Lord Magog: Not entirely! I got stabbed multiple times with a Cursed Sword.
Sue:
Lord Magog: Well, the Doctor healed me…but I was pretty hacked up.
Sue:
Lord Magog: